The Heart Of Business

By Craig S. Galati 

As presented last time, all people have shadow sides of themselves.  Those shadows can manifest themselves into behaviors that people are not always proud of, or at best, do not understand.  Today, I want to talk about how we can expose our shadow to better understand who we are.  This exercise will also help immensely in improving our relationships. 

Now that we know that we have a shadow side, what do we do? 

Commit!  Commit to beginning a journey of self-discovery, self-renewal and self-reflection.   

Undoubtedly, there are many techniques and methods to understand oneself. But, for the purpose of this article, I am going to present a four-phase approach that has worked well for me.  This approach begins with embracing your shadow and ends with developing an action plan. 

Embrace Your Shadow.  Understand that having a shadow side of yourself is not a bad thing.  It is natural, and anyone who tells you he doesn’t have a shadow side is either unaware or unwilling to admit it.  We all have shadows, and they have been shaped and reinforced over time by various experiences, many of which cannot be easily remembered.  When beginning a self-reflection process, many people worry unnecessarily about their shadows.  Worry is a waste of time in this process.  A shadow should be viewed as a gift — an opportunity to get to know oneself deeply and should be embraced as such.  It is one of those things that “just is.”   

Expose Your Shadow.  I’ve found that the easiest way to understand your shadow is through reflecting upon situations in which you have been involved that did not yield the results you wanted.  Dissect how you felt and how you acted in those situations.  I’ve also found it useful to think about how you handle things under stress.  My shadows show themselves overtly during times of stress.  For me, stress always brings out my worst behaviors.  Another technique that I’ve used successfully is to think deeply about the behaviors that you dislike in others.  There are clues to ourselves in this analysis.  While we don’t consciously think about it, in many cases we dislike the things about others that we dislike in ourselves.

Seek Feedback.  One of the greatest gifts one can receive is feedback.  Most people won’t necessarily offer it, however, unless you ask.  If you are lucky, you will find someone who can provide you with insight into yourself and your behaviors.  This gift is priceless.  You may need to create the right situation and trust to receive the honest feedback you seek, however.  It may take time to create the appropriate space to receive and to understand the feedback.  Don’t rush it.  The time you take will be worth it. 

Develop an Action Plan.  One of the most important things that you can do once you begin to understand your shadow is to commit to seeing it when it comes out.  That is, know what your tendencies are and watch for signs that indicate when you are starting to act outside of the way you want.  This takes practice but over time you will begin to recognize and change your behaviors. This column was highly influenced by Russ S. Moxley’s book, “Leadership and Spirit.”^[1]   

I’d like to hear from you:

• – Do you have other techniques you have used to help understand your shadow side?
• – Have you ever received feedback from someone regarding your behavior?  How was it delivered?  How was it received? 

Until next time …  

Craig

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^[1]  Leadership and Spirit, Breathing New Vitality and Energy into Individuals and Organizations, Russ S. Moxley, 2000-Jossey-Bass Inc. Publishers

By Craig S. Galati 

I believe in people.  I believe that given the choice, most people want to do good, act ethically and morally and contribute to something greater than themselves.  The problem is that many people spend more time trying to be what others want them to be rather than who they want to be.  They are influenced by other people, events and experiences – some they remember and some they don’t. 

As people move through their daily lives and activities, the disconnect between the people they really are and the people they want us to see grows inside them, sometimes silencing the good they have to offer the world.  The shadows that exist in all of us provide a glimpse of this disconnect, though we do our best to hide it. 

 Too often, however, these shadows manifest themselves as behavior we are not even aware of — or have little capacity to understand, especially in the moment.   And that brings us to work.  What is work?  A place we go every day?  An identity?  A series of interconnected relationships?  For many, it is all of the above.  Relationships at work are very complex because each person with whom we interact is at a different level of emotional and psychological development.  Therefore, a key to developing successful relationships at work is our ability to understand ourselves, our shadows and how they influence our behavior. 

Cheryl Peppers and Alan Briskin^[1] describe a shadow as the aspects of ourselves that we do not like and that we have suppressed deep inside.  Rather than understanding these aspects, our rejection places them in a covert relationship with the rest of who we are.  These shadows surface during times of stress or fear.  Confronting these shadows within ourselves is critical to making the most of our interpersonal relationships and helps us to grow and learn from ourselves and our mistakes.  Consider some of the common shadows we see daily at work:

 • Insecurity.  This shadow is shown in the person in our office who appears very confident on the outside and in touch with himself, someone with all the answers.  Although this person speaks of collaboration, his shadow will not let him truly collaborate,  often out of fear of losing his status or identity.  Insecurity plays out in many other ways, including excessive anger over loss of control, resistance to change and in making decisions too quickly. 

• Coercive power.  Power is an intoxicant.  Many people who have achieved a certain status in a company get caught up in the shadow of power.  This shadow believes that a person must dictate outcomes because that is the person’s role within the organization.  This use of command and control or “telling” strategy generally achieves compliance but in the process creates a dependent and de-spirited organization. 

• It’s all on my shoulders.  In many organizations there is the person who gets caught up in feeling that if he doesn’t do the task, it won’t be done well or at all.  This shadow sends signals to others that there is a distrust in them.  This shadow self-perpetuates.  The more the individual practices as if he is the only one who can do the task, the more reliant the organization becomes on him. This constrains learning and growing, eventually resulting in resentment and burnout of the individual and disempowerment within the organization. 

• Fear of ambiguity.  People who fear ambiguity tend to forgo decisions because “there just isn’t enough information.”  This shadow is also tied to a fear of not being in complete control.  This shadow fosters slow movement and sometimes the development of processes and procedures for everything.

• The pleaser.  This shadow manifests itself in “flip-flop” behavior.  These people want to make everyone happy and have difficulty following through on tough issues and decisions, especially those involving people.  They have difficulty making decisions because it could result in someone not being pleased, which can rob an organization of its potential to achieve. 

There are various shadows playing out in individuals at all levels of most organizations.  These shadows are keeping these organizations from fulfilling their goals and desires, and the end result is that the shadows are running our organizations.  This should make understanding and addressing these shadows important. It should also be apparent that we must prepare to do the individual “inner-self” work required so our organizations can survive and thrive beyond their current levels of success.

This column was highly influenced by Russ S. Moxley’s book, “Leadership and Spirit.”^[2]   In the next column, we will delve into Mr. Moxley’s book further and discuss options about what to do once we understand that we have been chasing shadows at work. 

I’d like to hear from you: 

• Do you know people exhibiting these shadows in your organization?  Are you one of them? 

• Do you believe that doing the hard individual “inner-self” work can benefit your organization? 

• Are you willing to delve into your “inner-self”? 

Until next time …

Craig

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^[1]   Cheryl Peppers and Alan Briskin, “Bringing Your Soul to Work,” 2000 Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.

^[2]  Leadership and Spirit, Breathing New Vitality and Energy into Indivduals and Organizations, Russ S. Moxley, 2000-Jossey-Bass Inc. Publishers